Most people, in fact, almost everyone I know, starts a business because they believe they can add value to other people’s lives and by doing so, make money from it. This is completely legitimate as there is exchange of energy  – products & services for monetary income. Nobody in the right frame of mind would start a business in order to do charity. That should be left to the charitable organisations.

Being able to charge a fee, albeit nominal one for providing goods & services is the expected norm. If you can charge yet insist on giving it for free, then I think you must get your head checked. Checking your head will help ensure you don’t encourage the continued mass proliferation of criminal activity by virtue of your act of giving free. When you give something out for free, chances are that people are not appreciative of it at all. They feel they deserve it. Because it is free, you have planted the seed of thought in their head that you are not an authority in that field. Neither are you confident of what you have to offer. That’s why you are doing it or giving it out for free!

I’m not saying you can’t give things out for free. Yes, you sure can. But very often, there are strings attached for such freebies. In this internet age, nobody would voluntarily give you his/her email address unless he/she knows there is some soundbite size information that is useful and will help improve the quality of life. That’s why he/she chooses to subscribe to a newsletter for such free news. Similarly, nobody would deliberately give out free product samples on the streets without attaching a coupon saying “try me first before buying…”

Recently, we held an event which I was initially very much against. Yes, you guessed it right. It was a free event. Having done my stint in strategic planning in corporate before, I knew instantly that turnout would be bad. After all, it would not hurt people a thing NOT to turn up as they did not pay a single cent for it. All they had to do was to register interest to indicate they would be attending. This certainly wasn’t good enough.

On the event day, the actual turnout was pathetic. Only two people made the effort to make it for the free event. I cringed silently and shook my head. For the sake of just two people, was it even worth the time and energies to galvanise the entire team to action? Just imagine, the poor suckers like me had to sacrifice my sleep and wake up at 5am just to get to the venue, only to be disappointed from the lacklustre turnout. This is to be expected, my friends. If only people had heeded my advice prior to it. Charge a nominal fee for the event if you don’t want to make too much from it. At least, it helps to cover the cost of transportation, logistics and our team breakfast later.

Fast forward to March 2010. There are plans for another similar indoor event in an attempt to bring more awareness. And again there are suggestions to do it free.  Some people don’t learn, do they? But because I am in the driver’s seat this time round, I insisted on charging. If they don’t pay, I won’t do it. Period.

There is no free lunch in this world. Even if you want to pack some food home from the buffet for the evening or for your family, you still have to pay for the buffet meal first before proceeding to surreptitiously steal food home.

Comments(0)

There are some men whom I think should not be labelled as men at all. Their words are like hot air. Good to hear but full of fluff. It impresses at first sight but sucks at the end. After being taken on a ride prided to be the THE ride of your lifetime, you feel so cheated after the ride is over as it didn’t get moving at all.

A real man honours his word. He keeps to all his promises. When he promises to deliver the heavens, he makes sure he does that regardless of how ardous the process is. Even if it means having to sacrifice his beauty sleep or socialising time, he’ll do anything to get the job done.

But sadly, not everyone thinks this way. That’s why I say they are fake men. I don’t care if your Grandmother is pregnant or remarrying. Enough of such excuses.

I think I’ve seen enough people to distinguish the real from the fake. Just like how Skeletor created a Faker (a fake He-Man) in the Masters of the Universe series to confuse everyone with the real He-Man. I’m done with the honey-coated candy lies. I want to see results.

I don’t even know if you have the balls to finish what you claim you will finish. Stop paying lip service. Step up and be a real man.

Comments(0)

I don’t know how to explain this but I think there indeed exists a special ability that some of us possess. It allows us to complete someone else’s sentence or second guess (with utmost accuracy) his or her feelings. It’s called telepathy.

Telepathy is a wonderful gift that the universe grants to two very special people. It can be between a parent and child or between a couple or between close friends.

I think I have a special telepathic ability with certain people. I morph into this mind reader and go into their world, experiencing the same emotions that I too experience. When I return to my world, it reinforces my own emotions.

I’m grateful for this gift

Comments(0)

I don’t know what’s wrong with the human race but they just like comparing one person with another. And that, very often, is the cause of unnecessary stress and unhappiness.

When US President Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize, he was immediately compared to other past winners such as Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela. People wondered if he was worthy of the peace prize and if he should even be regarded in the same league as these great forefathers. This was his response.

“Compared to some of the giants of history who have received this prize – Schweitzer and King, Marshall and Mandela – my accomplishments slight.”

Closer home, do we similarly not pile on undue pressure on ourselves and the others around us when we start making comparisons? XYZ’s boyfriend does this so you must also do this for me. Our neighbour has upgraded to a new landed property, so we must follow suit. Why can’t you be more understanding like my ex?

Sons get compared to fathers, daughters to mothers, current partners to ex partners, present leader to retired leader. Comparison, comparisons, comparisons.

Why can’t one understand the fact that we are all unique individuals? There will never be two completely similar human beings in this world. Even twins differ in personality and temperament.

We should instead be treating each other with more love and respect. This is because the very moment we start comparing, we are highlighting the supposed inadequacies in someone else. It may be a weakness in your eyes, but in their eyes, it is a strength. For example, the person is messy and does not bother to clean up his workplace or room. But to him, the creative chaos is necessary for him to generate innovative ideas and solutions.

Too often we see things from our own perspective. We want people to change for our sake. People are never enough because we are all so full of ourselves.

Unnecessary comparison do not lead to healthy relationships. In fact, they threaten to destroy the fabric of it. Instead of accepting someone wholeheartedly, we attempt to mould him or her into the image of the perfect man or woman we have conjured in our minds.

You can start comparing who is smarter, richer or more good-looking. To me, it doesn’t really matter. I won’t become smarter or less smart overnight. Neither will I get richer or lose everything. I’m happy just being me.

Comments(0)

It is scary to even think of the pace of life. I cannot believe this is the last month in 2009, with only days to go before the new year beckons. But such is reality.

Many a times, we tend to focus on the urgent things that we neglect the important ones. How many times have someone said something was urgent just to get our attention? How many times have we done the urgent things only to realise the ones that really deserve our full 100% unwavering attention are the important ones?

I’m making full use of the remaining days in 2009 to finish up whatever I have yet to accomplish. Top 2 items on my outstanding list are to finish up my first fitness e-book and to make a trip down to the mediation centre to make a copy of the Nepal Retreat DVD.

It’s always been my dream to self-publish my own book for sale. I acknowlege that the process will not be easy but nothing is ever easy in life. Only once you have done it can you say you have overcome another challenge and gained from the experience.

As for the Nepal Retreat DVD, I’m been putting it off for such a long time, more than a year in fact that I feel ashamed of my inaction. Revisiting the meditation centre will also recharge my positive energies and propel me forward for 2010.

Comments(0)

I met someone new today and I was totally unexpected for what was to happen.

First up, Lionel officially became Leona. I know this is not the first time someone mispronounced or should I say mangled my name. But Leona? Am I the previous X Factor winner Leona Lewis who sold 6.5 million of her first album ‘Spirit’? If I were, I certainly wouldn’t mind. But sorry, I’m not her.

It is the accepted societal norm for guys to pay for the meal. But barely did my butt touch the seat when I was unceremoniously told the place I chose was too expensive and asked to take my leave. Okay, so the budget was only $5 for lunch. Roger that.

Sometimes, I think I should just not speak my mind so frankly. It’s scary how people just pick up my phrases and litter the entire conversation with it. It does get a little irritating after a while. Just because I said ‘the biological clock was ticking away’, the Miss used this phrase over and over again. I should have patented it.

The Miss argued with me that males do not have biological clocks. I disagreed and gave her a biological 101 lesson on the decreasing sperm count for males as they age. She listened with eyes wide open and thanked me profusely for updating her.

Throughout the small talk we made, the Miss asked me no less than 4 times this question which made me almost fall off the chair. ‘So what you think of me huh? Can or not?’ I don’t think I’m in the meat section choosing a piece of meat, am I? And even though the Miss was literally throwing herself at me, I pulled the breaks. Hey come on, have some modesty, will you?

I did my best to evade answering her on all 4 occasions. Yes, we can still be friends but I don’t think we can be life partners. Perhaps catching my drift, she became rather self-critical and turned her face sidewards towards me and pointed to her cheeks…‘you see, pimple pimple’. Alright, if you need a good brand of acne cream, I can recommend you.

Then she was at it again, this time more subtly. ‘So can you accept a woman older than you? 10 years can or not?’ While we read about scores of spring-autumn romances, I don’t think I can possibly accept one, especially when the age gap is so wide as a decade. I reminded the Miss that women tend to age faster than men so unless she was Demi Moore, then I don’t think it’s feasible.  

From the subject of cougars, she moved swiftly to the taboo topic of sex. Apparently the Miss was offered sex by some suitors. I congratulated her and probed if she did it. She naughtily said no, then came back to me for advice. I may not be the sex guru or tantric coach, but I think I must have given her a valuable tip. I must have stirred something in her as she perked up again. My advice to her was to do a striptease. As in a striptease, the hooker does not reveal everything. She does it piece by piece, so as to entice the client to come back for more. She praised me for being brilliant. I smiled and said it comes from learning from the University of Life, and not some outdated courses we took at varsity.

Upon scrutinising me further, she clapped her hands like a child and told me the more she looked at me, the more she agreed that I resembled someone working in the beauty industry. ‘You look different. Can see the glow, so healthy.’

And this was the same Miss who was rather critical about my profession initially, particularly its stability. So I asked her one simple question – ‘are you happy doing what you do at work?’ I had to force the confession out of her but she admitted she wasn’t.

Looking at the weather outside, she commented that her biological clock was ticking away just like the weather got gloomier as it heraled the arrival of a light drizzle. Then she got serious, looked at me and pleaded ‘you have men to introduce to me?’ Sorry, Miss, I don’t supply men. I proceeded to suggest that she register with a matchmaking agency.

Then she reinterated her previous proposal again ’so what you think of me huh? Can or not?’ It was at this juncture where I found an excuse to leave early. Thanks, but no thanks.

Comments(0)

I’m feeling terribly lousy about myself now. I still am. In fact, I just feel like beating myself up. And I have every reason to do so.

For all my carelessness and uselessness, I actually broke the angel figurine Grandma gave me. Once perched high above the bathroom latch next to the window, it was a perennial point of discussion for many who marveled at its intricacy, beauty and chastity, not forgetting the purity it represented which blended in perfectly with the white wall tiles. But whatever goodness it represents is now history. I broke it while cleaning it this morning. I have no excuse to forgive myself.

Where the angel used to stand…

At that moment when it slipped out of my hands, I could only watch it break into pieces as it hit the ground. At that very instant, the floodgates of my memories start to swell and my eyes feel moist. It was as if I was reliving the painful scene of watching my loved ones slip away from my side and die before my very own eyes with the helpless me unable to do anything. I feel so miserable at my inability to act. Why am I always so slow to react? Why must things always happen to me before I start to cherish what I already have?

Looking at the broken pieces of the fallen angel is akin to looking at the numerous times I have broken my promises and the numerous times I have broken someone else’s heart with my words or actions. I am definitely not an angel.

The broken fragments of the fallen angel

What remains of the fallen angel is this pair of wings that miraculously survived the hard fall. I will keep this pair of wings as it is perhaps symbolic of all the goodness which people around me who genuinely care for me is all about. You don’t grow angel wings unless you truly deserve them. Perhaps one day I’ll find my own pair of angel wings. But for now as I continue to pick up the broken pieces, I know getting my own wings will be one long road ahead.

Comments(0)

It was good to catch up with an ex-colleague this evening, albeit for a short twenty minutes as we both had to rush off…me for training and he for dinner.

Nonetheless, I’m happy for him. He’s got a temporary job now. That’s a great improvement considering he was still lazying around about one or two months ago when we last met. The best news must of course be the fact that he’s going for two interviews next week. Things are certainly looking up for him.

Yet, looking at his face, one could not detect any sense of impending happiness. Is anything the matter? When told of it, I just smiled. He was simply concerned as to which job offer he should accept.

Standing in the midst of Bugis Junction surrounded by people walking up and down, we analysed the two job openings.

Both were respectable jobs offering a decent, if not market benchmarked salary. The job scopes for both openings were also challenging enough to stretch him and allow him to grow as a person.

But when it came to company reputation, one certainly stood out shining bright while the other star dimmed owing to a scandal some time back.

As a ex-corporate guy, I shared my experience with him. Now is not the time to get flustered. It would definitely make more sense to start preparing for the interview and ace it. When both job offers land on your lap, then you will be the enviable position to pick and choose. Starting to choose at this stage is like putting the cart before the horse. In life, never count your chickens until they are hatched as Murphy’s Law states that anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong. It sounds scary but it’s true.

Preparing for an interview is no easy task. It starts from pre-empting the questions (yes, rather stereotypical questions) that the interviewers would likely ask. I should know given I sat on the interview panel board for almost 3 years. No matter how we attempt to repharse the questions, they still boil down to the same shopping list which I rattled off to him.

You certainly don’t want to appear unprepared. Neither do you want to come across as too polished. You should appear as warm, genuine and real. After all, they are hiring a human being.

How you can strike a balance is to buy time. This little tactic I taught him. Pause for a while before you answer the question. If you really need to buy more time so as to organise your thoughts, you can always ask the interviewer to repeat or rephrase the question in a polite manner. Better still, you repeat the question and get instant confirmation.

Second, it would make good sense to do some research on both organisations. Any decent organisation or business worth its salt would have a website which should provide basic (but good enough) information on the company, organisational structure, operations model and welfare  benefits…just to name a few. Some may even list the openings available and the roles and responsibilities for each opening. You don’t have to be an expert in knowing the company as well as you know your own body but then a slight knowledge of it would certainly come in handy.

After grilling yourself mentally, you should then start grooming yourself. I cannot stress enough the importance of personal grooming.  He certainly wasn’t going to wear an all black colour outfit for the interview, like what he was wearing tonight. Different colours give different impressions. Such is the psychology attached to colour analysis which I teach during my grooming workshops. Presentable hair cut? Checked…Clean shoes? Checked…Shirt ironed? Checked…Pants pressed? Checked…Belt is of the same colour shade as that of the pants? Checked…

In my earlier blog posting, I wrote about the similarities between an interview and a date. It makes more sense now, doesn’t it?

If both the interviewer and my ex-colleague are on the same wavelength, then they can consider dancing a cha-cha together now and in the near future. If not, then I suppose each may just want to go separate ways and try out a new dance that needs no partner.

Best of luck for your interviews next week!

Comments(0)

It’s interesting how dates are fast turning out to be like interviews nowadays. Both require you to dress up, be well informed about current affairs or the latest happenings in town, and be engaging (and preferably humorous). And we assess our date during the first meet-up in the same manner an interviewer would, and decide whether it will progress to the next date.

But sadly, most dates die a natural death and we never see the light of the second or nth date. This is because many people simply do not know how to build rapport and sustain interest in the conversation. I find it amusing but am appalled at the same time.

People nowadays do not bother to build rapport at all. After the very business-like handshake (if any…some do not even know how to shake hands properly…my goodness), they start asking questions like an interviewer such as ‘How many are there in your family?’,  ‘How many other people have you met before me?’,  ‘When was your last relationship?’, ‘What do you work as?’ etc, running through their list of pre-prepared questions to ask.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is all just data exchange. I repeat – data exchange. Where is the love connection? I certainly don’t feel any. It is cold and humanless, just like how Shylock would demand a pound of flesh mercilessly.

As an ex-panel interviewer back in my corporate days, this really brings back haunting memories. I remember I used to torment some interviewees back then with some rather personal questions about their lifestyle. Maybe this time the roles are reversed and I’m in the interviewee seat? Hmm…

But am I supposed to be sitting there to be scrutinized from head to toe? If this is the rule of the game, then I think I forgot to bring along my resume. I don’t think I want the job anymore. I’m so sorry about that. Next…

Unlike an interview (think panel interview), you are unlikely to go on a date with a panel of people. This will be true only if you go on a speed date. And for speed dates, how can you possibly even know someone well enough to decide if you want to go out again with him or her within the short span of 6 – 10 minutes? But that is all the time you are allocated in a speed date before you are politely reminded to move your butt to the next seat to chat up the next person. Guys, you move. And move quickly like you mean business. Ladies, you stay glued to your seat and act coy. After the speed date, you will be dazed from meeting so many foreign faces for the first time. If you still put the name to the face and the dress, I kowtow to you. If you don’t end up with a sore throat, I’ll kowtow a second time. If you really can rise up to both my challenges, I bet you a million bucks you were taking notes like a studious student during that pathetic few minutes instead of listening to what your date had to say…Ha, caught you there!

In any interview, I would still allocate some time towards the end for the candidate to ask some questions or clarify any doubts about the job opening. But there is no such opportunity during data exchange. After you have collected enough data to make up your mind to leave or stay on, that’s it.

Like an interview, you are expected to dress up for the first date. But my complaint is that people don’t bother to look their best. How can you turn up in jeans for an interview? But some people do. So how can you turn up in bermudas for a date? But some people still do. There is also the other extreme where people don’t dress for the right occasion. Turning up in hot pants for a date no doubt will help sizzle up the temperature in the room, but it will also send the wrong signal that you are loose or on the prowl. If you do find some slimy hands on your thighs, you asked for it. Similarly, pants with no belt for an interview or different coloured belt and shoes just ain’t the style, Mister.

If arriving late for an interview means deducting immediate impression points from me, then ditto for turning up late for a date. If this is not bad enough, then looking totally flustered and like a lost sheep in the fields is worse. As for sleepy-heads who look like they have not slept a single wink, I suggest they go back to bed.

For interviewees who don’t really know how to score points with the interviewer, I will encourage them by giving them some sample answers to the questions that I have posed. But I can’t naturally do that for a date, right? If I do that, then I am like the teacher who spoon-feeds the student. Excuse me, I’m not a conversation machine. I am not a parrot who talks on and on. When I asked why I was the only one talking, a date once commented during the first meeting that listening to my voice was like listening to the hymns from the angels. Ya right. Where is the intellect material? Naturally, the first date did not progress to the next.

Dates are fast turning into interviews. I would put both my hands up and say a resounding YES!

Comments(0)

I cannot tolerate service lapses as it means somewhere along the line, something has gone wrong. It’s either the management who has not put in enough checks and measures, or the downline who has not followed the procedures properly. Either way, someone’s ass needs to be kicked. And kick I did.

Not wanting to sound too over the top, I wrote this.

“Being a loyal customer of XYZ company for many years, I have come to appreciate the good products and prompt delivery. Kudos. However, my faith was misplaced today when the delivery was overlooked and only 1 item (out of 3) was delivered. I’m not sure if the packers forgot to pack or the delivery person didn’t deliver in full.”

I could have been harsher but people are human beings. And human beings do make mistakes.

Just hope they will get their act together and deliver me the two missing items tomorrow or latest by Wed.

It was only when I got home and checked the items did I realise something amiss. Well, I think it must also be a good lesson for Mum who got a fright of her life. She took for granted that everything was sent. She didn’t bother to check the items delivered with the order list.

It’s like bringing your four kids to the playground and coming home with only two of them. By the time you discover two of them missing, it is already too late. Lesson learnt for everyone.

Comments(0)