How many of us have ever been in a situation where we are accused of doing something that we are innocent of?

Pointing fingers or hurling accusations is often the easiest way to create the much needed dramatic element in any relationship. It is far too easy to point the finger at someone rather than to take time to find out the truth. But sometimes, the truth doesn’t reveal itself until a much later time.

We are all impetus by nature. When something goes wrong, we will jump to conclusion that someone screwed it up. It must be that someone, never me. When we jump to conclusions blindly, it is inevitable that heated words are exchanged in that moment without considering the feeling of the other party. When the truth is revealed, we find it difficult to admit it was our mistake and apologise. This is probably the word has already been spoken, the person caned before realising it was all a mistake.

Even after the situation has passed and things seem to have returned to normalcy, those heated words exchanged will reside in the deeper recesses of the ‘accused’ and surface again in time to come. It is easier said than done to ‘forgive and forget’. One day, when another similar situation arises, it just helps to trigger the sensor inside our brains, unleashing the same pent-up emotions. Are we really that magnanimous as to totally forget all those hurtful words thrown at our face? I doubt so.

This is especially so when we, the innocent party, is being accused of some wrongdoing by our loved ones. It hurts so much more than being accused by some stranger or friend. The damage is irreparable and the scar forever imprinted in our heart and mind.

Till today, I still cannot forget the wastepaper basket which I burnt when I was a kid back in the ancestral home. Being young then, I knew I would get a good beating if I admitted doing it. So I chose to keep mum. But my parents, being more experienced in all form of the word, soon tracked down the culprit to me. Because I didn’t own up like George Washington did when he cut down his father’s favourite apple tree, I got a punishment twice as heavy. Henceforth, from that day onwards, whenever anything went missing or was spoilt, I was always the prime suspect. Even though I may really be innocent, I know it will be a Herculean task for me to prove otherwise.

And recently, someone told me this tale. Two lovers were having a tiff. The lady accused the guy of not loving her enough as he did nothing to parade her in front of his relatives and friends. She thought he was ashamed of her hideous appearance and thus was reluctant to include her in his circle of activities. When she kicked up a fuss, he explained. But she didn’t listen.

When the truth was finally revealed, she asked him why he had kept mum about the whole incident. Here she was jumping mad and wanting to tear his lungs out. And there he was acting as cool as a zen master. After the lady had said her piece, the guy gave this classic reply ”Even when I explained then, did you listen? No. And now do you still need me to publish our relationship in The Straits Times for you to hold up your head high?” Fortunately, she got his drift and peace resumed thereafter.

As a young boy, I loved to hear Grandma tell me stories. She is right after all. Before you accuse someone, always cool down and think it through first. Because if you don’t and start accusing immediately with your index finger, you have to contend with the other three fingers pointing back at you.

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