Marriage Timeout
B called. I thought he wanted to tell me he had qualified for the Million Dollar Round Table in his insurance line again. But no. He sounded subdued.
Didn’t make it to the Million Dollar Round Table? Nope, it wasn’t that.
Didn’t meet sales quota this month? Nope, it wasn’t that.
Then B revealed the reason why he called. His marriage had broken down and is now officially a thing of the past. He’s now a free man again after the divorce. No wonder he was asking me to introduce ‘mei meis‘ to him. As if I owe a harem of ‘mei meis‘…sigh…
Filing for divorce based on irreconcilable grounds is always one of the most common reasons cited. Irreconcilable grounds? I think it’s more on grounds of non communication rather than irreconcilable grounds.
Imagine living under the same roof but you don’t talk like you used to talk anymore. Imagine being husband and wife in name, but you sleep in separate rooms. Imagine dating other people yet being in a ‘married’ relationship. Imagine having to resort to sticking post-it pads on the fridge or bedroom door if you really have to talk to the other party.
In the past, walking out of a marriage seemed the most unthinkable thing to do. In fact, my lecturer once told me that when one got married then, he or she had to make the marriage work. There was no such thing as divorce. Divorce is such a Western thing, he would say. But things have changed. It’s just like policemen nowadays no longer wear shorts as part of their uniform.
When another person walks into your life, it’s for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It’s never easy having to open your world and share it with another person. The way one squeezes the toothpaste, whether it’s from the middle or bottom is already a point of constant contention between couples. Males like to squeeze it in the middle while females like to squeeze it from the tail end.
Yet while dating enriches a person’s life, it’s a subject which is never taught in school. In fact, since when did our school teachers teach us about this strange feeling called love? How do you know when you are in love? Teachers nowadays already have too much on their hands to handle teaching sex education!
The dating phase and the marriage years are completely different. During the dating phase, both are so happy being in love that love transcends everything. To put it bluntly, one is so blinded by love that the other person comes across as a Greek god or goddess. He or she is the most beautiful. He or she can do no wrong. He or she is the perfect fit. But there is no perfect fit in this world. This truth is only revealed when one ties the knot.
I personally feel that one hits ground zero only after marriage. That’s when you start to really understand a person, his/her habits and character. That’s when the real truth is revealed. Whether he throws his boxers to wash daily, weekly or monthly (gasp…!) or she leaves her sanitary pads lying around…
I’m not advocating cohabitation less all mothers accuse me of leading their daughters astray…but it at least offers a realistic glimpse into what possibly can happen to the couple assuming they get married. We don’t want any rude shocks only after the lovey dovey wedding ceremony right? We want to be prepared. And the earlier we prepare ourselves, the better we can withstand any tremors, assuming there are any.
A marriage timeout? There’s no need for this! If you are still undecided about cohabitation, then perhaps consider packing your bags and jetting off for a weekend getaway. Let’s go!
