I was again thrust into the role of advisor when over lunch, a friend asked for some relationship advice. She’s having problems with her boyfriend and we started brainstorming possible ways to resolve the problem.

Like a detective, I had to probe deeper, deeper, deeper until finally I got to the root of her problem.

It’s always like that. When you start dating, it’s lovey-dovey. Then it comes to a stage when you take each other for granted. That’s when the relationship reaches a plateau and you start asking the other party “why you don’t buy me flowers any more?  You not romantic any more” Or something like “why are you always late nowadays? Taking me for granted is it?”

She was going on and on about how her boyfriend had changed…seemingly for the worse.

When it was finally my turn to say something, I told her this.

“When you were a child, did you calculate how much love you got back from someone you loved? If you did not, why is it that we as adults now measure how much we are loved in return?”

In the adult world, we do not see things this way. We forgot the true meaning of love. I call it the altruism of love.  

We constantly ask one or more of the following questions.

Pick 1 or more questions from the following

- What has the person done for you?
- How much should he care so that I know he loves me?
- Are we compatible?
- Why can my current boyfriend/girlfriend just not measure up to XYZ’s boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Is there someone better out there?

We associate love with thousands of other things, using them to measure and determine the amount of love we should give in return. But sorry, there is no price tag on this word termed ‘love’. Love should just be given freely, without expecting anything in return. If you give love expecting something in return, then I bet you will be utterly upset when the return on your love investment draws a negative.

When the relationship lacks excitement, are we truely being hurt by the inactions of others? Or are we hurting ourselves unconsciously because we view love no longer as unconditional and attach conditions to it? Perhaps we are just making life difficult for others and ourselves.

I hate being frank and direct, but sometimes I just have to. I think this friend will not be contacting me for a long long time as I have shaken her up from her lovey-dovey world of love. That is not love, that is the oldest known form of artificial sweetener called ’saccharin’.

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I received a mailer in my email showcasing the above items. My first thought was wow…looks like items the modern man in his twenties to thirties would hanker after. Men’s skincare, branded shirts, posh carry bags, stylish footwear, designer luggages etc.

A second look zeroed in on the theme of the mailer. Father’s Day. 15 June. It also brought a fresh prespective to relooking at fathers - Dad as a child’s hero.

All children see their fathers as heroes. I saw my Dad as a hero too when I was much younger. He was like the courageous Luke Skywalker brandishing a light sabre fighting the forces of the dark side. He was like a suave Indiana Jones unleashing his whip for the betterment of the mankind. He was the brave hunter who toiled for long hours outside to bring home food for his wife and family.

I certainly did not see my Dad as the modern age man who went for brand names like Agnes b Homme leather briefcase, Clarins skincare, ck Men’s shirt or Givenchy silk tie. Dad was someone who would be more comfortable in his brandless shirts and pants. But one old favourite of his was Old Spice cologne.

Times have changed. Welcome Dad, my modern day hero. The same modern day Dad who uses the same branded products as his son.

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No, this has nothing to do with the forthcoming “Sex And The City” movie that opens on 29th May 08. But this has everything to do with the comments my friend Ryan, a self-professed marketing guru who has lived and breathed marketing principles all his life had to say about my yet-to-be unveiled business website.

As a teaser, Ryan pasted me this URL from YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q75gREOjyFI. Watch it only if you want to…you have been warned…hahahahaha…

After looking at the first topless shot, Ryan writes: “That is your biggest problem…you’re too sexy!”

When I asked for clarification, he continued, “I think your site isn’t making full use of your sexy potential.”

By now, I was really confused. My tagline sounded too cliched. Yes, I’m promoting my fitness, nutrition and wellness services and products. But these three items should not be in the tagline. Ok.

People already have enough of being sold the idea of fitness and health. That’s not what they want now. From the marketing angle, it’s what they want to achieve at the end of the day that they are interested in.

Then, Guru Ryan shared this anecdote. “What do people think of when they think of ABC Fitness?”

Before I could reply, he shot me his take. “They think of hot fun, hot guys, hot babes, hot gays.”

By this time, I was already rolling in semi-laughter.

I told him to get serious. And this is Ryan at his most serious.

He writes, “Understand and practise this principle and you shall prosper.”

I stay awake waiting for the important principle to drop by manna from heaven.

Ryan says, “You don’t have to give sex to your clients (if you don’t want too), but you should give them the impression that you will.”

I almost fell off the chair. Give sex to my clients? That sounds so familiar. It sounds like prostitution 101 all over again. Oh come on, I ran away from one brothel. I can’t be running to the next brothel down the road. No way!

I know marketing is promoting all the good qualities in a product or service that you wanna sell. More importantly, the qualities that people want. It has a lot to do with branding. But in no way should my products/services or even myself be associated with offering a call L for sex type of thing. Maybe Guru Ryan can offer himself instead :p

When Ryan is less serious, he really value adds better. He continues “who cares about fitness anymore, fitness is for olympic athletes, most people just wanna be 1. Be beautiful  2. Enjoy more/better sex”.  This much I agree.

So now I’m back to brainstorming for another new tagline. Sex and the City? No, you bet not!

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I attended two wakes in the short span of one week. Both are related to the death of my friends’ fathers.

One of my friends sms-ed me “Now I understand the pain you felt” . Indeed.

It isn’t easy to come to terms with the death of someone especially if he’s a loved one. Imagine seeing your father alive yesterday and dead today. You have to experience it to know the feeling.

When my own father passed away, I had difficulty accepting it. My dad had mellowed over the years. From a strict, authoritarian and no nonsense father to a benign, warm and generous man, I have witnessed the transformation in him. He had so much goodness to give to others yet he was still snatched away from me.

I even began to hate myself for a certain period as I felt really helpless. I blamed myself for not being able to do more for Dad. I sobbed when I saw the stoic father figure of mine waste away in the last few months.

How I wish I could just hold him in my arms and relive the father-son bond again. On 7 July 2006, I officially lost my father.

No one fully understood the feelings I was going through then. I felt the pain. Why did he have to go? I felt the loss. Why was I robbed of my dad while my other friends still had theirs? I wanted my father back. Life was not fair.

But since when was life fair? Stretch out your five fingers and see for yourselves. Even your five fingers are not of equal length.

I felt like an orphan when I lost Dad. It was as if a part of me had died inside. I’m sure both of my friends are feeling the same way too now. I felt empty. I felt directionless.

It was only after many nights of being alone that I sorted out my thoughts. I was happy Dad died peacefully and with dignity. I was proud Dad battled till the very end. He was a fighter. I was comforted that I had spent time with him, talked to him, ate with him, joked with him. I will never forget the times I sponged Dad. He was hesitant initially and adamantly refused. Only after much cajoling did he relent. Basically I told him he could just treat me as a male nurse. And besides, what was there to be shy about? What Dad had, I had too!

Why must we lose someone dear before we learn to fully appreciate their existence? Why can’t we practise the language of love when they are still living?

For those of you whose fathers are still alive, take this opportunity to be a filial son or daughter. Being filial doesn’t mean buying the most expensive presents. It’s simply being present in the moment and spending quality time with your dad. Just in case you forgot – Father’s Day is coming up.

To some people, to even say “I love you” can be frightening. How do you verbalise it to a man who is your father? The thought once crossed my mind many many years ago. I mean you don’t just walk up to your old man and say “I love you”. It’s going to garner you two responses – either you get a good scolding for being out of your mind or second, you get asked if you need extra pocket money.

If either scenario happens, it’s alright. Keep trying until it becomes natural for both father and son. Why can father and son play masak masak and even hug hug when the son was much younger? Why do both father and son cringe at the same scene being played out now many years later? Has the father changed? No, he is still the same father. Has the son changed? No, he is still the same son. It’s all in the mind, really.

After all, I’m not asking you to hug Tom, Dick or Stanley. I’m asking you to hug your dad. Don’t keep postponing it because on funeral day, you will never ever have the chance again. I’m so glad I hugged Dad and told him I loved him when he was still alive.

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I met up with Shirley this evening for a meal to catch up on the latest happenings in her organisation (which I used to be part of until I got transferred). After a good Japanese dinner, we walked around town and chanced upon this very eye-catching window display.

As single, unattached and desirable individuals, we are all looking for love. Some of us look for love all our lives but never seem to find it. Some of us don’t look for love but find it unexpectedly. The ways of love are strange indeed.

She suggested that I should change my facebook picture to this picture so that I would elicit more responses. Perhaps, perhaps, we laughed.

But for now. To be super serious, yes, I’m looking for love – mate wanted. No need to meet me at the burrow. Just drop me an email with a decent self introduction and a picture will suffice…hahahaha…

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According to statistics, 7 out of 10 Singaporeans have their own blog. Blogs are definitely the way to go for the current and future generations of people as each blog has a unique voice to offer to the world. By posting our insights, articles, poems, videos, songs, comments etc, we are interacting with others in the web community. We add colour and vitality to the world as we share our little voice by contributing our postings to the blogosphere.

Some people read my blog to catch up on the latest developments in my life while others read it to be inspired. I write about literally anything and everything under the sun, from my daily encounters with other humans to my holiday trips to my personal revelations.

I am who I am. I write because I am inspired, not because I feel compelled. Most postings are completed in under 10 minutes. Yes, I write fast but that does not mean compromising on the quality of the postings. I write fast as the words just flow in my mind and find themselves appearing in black text on the ‘write post’ fields. My postings are all raw because that reflects the real me. Any post production is out.

A friend was telling me about the Singapore Blog Awards and felt that I should participate. So I got her to nominate me instead. Sounds better right? Rather than me nominating myself…hahaha…

So here I am, a relatively young blogger yet seasoned writer (as till date, I have over 340 postings - yes, my productivity level is rather high) taking part in the Singapore Blog Awards.

Wish me luck  

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R was adamant to meet up with me as he wants to thank me personally for writing such inspirational postings on my blog. I don’t pretend I can write. In fact, I unabashedly proclaim that writing is my forte. I write from the heart. I write about my personal experiences and the people around me. That is the main reason why my blog is seeing a steady increase in viewership

After updating each other on the latest developments in our lives, our conversation got philosophical. Well, you can’t expect anything less from a guy who’s been through the lows and is now enjoying life on a super high!

I am happy because I am doing what I enjoy doing. Doing what I enjoy doing doesn’t seem like a job to me at all. It’s like playing and yet someone pays you to play. How better can life be?

When you are happy, it naturally shows on your face. Your facial muscles become less taut and wrinkles simply disappear. When you are happy, your footsteps become lighter as well. It’s as if you are weightless and floating on air like the celestial immortals we see in Chinese mythology dramas.

R is still searching for his sky. He is not happy doing what he is doing now. Really, how many people can be like me? I understand how people like R feels because I’ve been all that before. I merely lifted myself out of the rat race.

We are all gems waiting to be discovered by others. They call them ‘talent spotting’ or ‘head hunting’ these days. But my take is why wait to be discovered by others and then polished at some predetermined rate of the one called THE BOSS? What happens if you are never discovered and waste away?

Why not reclaim your power and decide for yourself? It is time we all lived for ourselves, pursuing our own dreams and on our own terms. That is when true emancipation starts.

Besides knowing what is your life direction (this includes mission and vision), you also need to know who you are. Why be bothered about what others think about you? You determine your own self value. If you wake up feeling like a billion bucks, you are a billion bucks and most probably will attract a billion bucks into your life too. But if you wake up feeling like a lousy loser, everything you do for the rest of the day is bound to be met with obstacles.

You are who you are. You are powerful because of who you are and what you have to offer to the rest of this world. Make the best of your gift

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It’s a wonderful feeling to be shopping in Orchard Road on a weekday afternoon. You don’t have to jostle with the crowd, you don’t have to rush from point to point, you don’t have to be afraid all the good bargains will be snapped up quickly.

That’s the enviable position I found myself this afternoon while waiting for R to turn up. He had sms-ed to say he would be late so I had time to kill on my hands.

In fact, I almost had the entire shopping mall and individual shops to myself. Practically everyone was eager to do business with me and sell me something. From the “can I help” to the “do you like this design”, I knew they wanted to hear the cash register go ka-ching ka-ching.

The Great Singapore Sale starts tomorrow. I’m sure this is just the prelude to many more repeats of weekday afternoon shopping

While shopping, I came across this shop with this huge poster displayed at the shop front.

Ever wonder why some people buy on impulse
and others buy based on calculated analysis?

We do not know what the answer is.
Maybe it is a form of pretence.
Or defiance against a struggle between
good and evil.
Or maybe it is the sin of greed towards
the fulfilment of our selfish redundant needs.

We were probably born to succumb to
beautiful material needs, or we could be just
too bored with our mundane existence.
Hence the need to ejaculate the anxiety of
cultural expectations.
We are just human beings after all.

Whatever the reason, we hope we have
quenched your desires from the moment
you enter till you leave this store.
May this experience enhance your sense of
gratification because you are what you have.

The last sentence really got me thinking. Are we really who we are because of what we own? If yes, that’s a very sad material world. Do we all need to be carrying LVs and Pradas to prove our worth?

Shallow shallow…very shallow!!

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I was washing my slippers today when I thought I just had to feature them as the highlight of today’s blog post.

On first sight, they look just like any other pair of slippers you can get from the nearby supermalls. Nothing spectacular. A brand most of you have not heard of before as well.

Behind these humble slippers lie a rich travel history

But behind this pair of unassuming slippers like a rich travel history. It has probably walked more miles and seen more cultures than any other pair of shoes in my storeroom.

For the record, this pair of old faithfuls has toured Bangkok 5 times, Pattaya once, Nepal once, Beijing once, Jiangnan once, Bali once and Kuala Lumpur once. And it’s still showing no signs of wearing off. Wow!

I look forward to wearing it for my next overseas trip

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Today is a very special day in my life as it’s the official last day of my employee work life. And what better way to celebrate it than fly back to Singapore from Bangkok? Tomorrow marks a new beginning and a fresh start.

I was jaded, I was tired. I didn’t know what I was doing. Yes, the pay was good and it gave me a comfortable standard of living. But inwardly, I felt something was missing. Physically I may be in the office working. But mentally and spiritually, I was somewhere else. And that’s not being fair to both myself and the organisation. You can call me a walking zombie, someone devoid of passion for his work. Sometimes I don’t even agree with the policies crafted, let alone compel myself to spread the message to the ground.

I’m a maverick. I hate rules and regulations. I hate the standard operating procedures. I like to be different and stand out from the crowd. Staying would mean a further compromise of my true self and a continued suppression of who I really was.

Like what I have shared with some of you, I didn’t plan when I would resign nor come up with plans to start my businesses in the fitness and wellness industries. Things started happening to me after my Nepal trip. I saw the opportunities coming and seized them. The rest as they say is history.

I am like the phoenix reborn. I used to be so lost in this world. But now I am so clear about my life direction. Crystal clear in fact.

A lot of credit must also be given to the Dalai Lama’s book “The Art of Happiness At Work” which I bought in Nepal. Reading the first few chapters already opened my mental faculties as every page was laden with pearls of wisdom.

When asked what he would do in the work environment should there be a lot of injustice and exploitation, the Dalai Lama replied that he would change the environment than accept it. He further elaborated that he would either cause a revolution or rebellion to actively resist exploitation from the boss (along the same lines as what he’s doing in the face of Chinese injustice to the Tibetans) or simply quit and look for other work.

I knew instantly that option 1 of starting a revolution would be simply unthinkable in my organisation as I could find myself marching into the cells of Changi Prisons Complex. Option 2 sounded a lot more logical. In fact, it resonated with what my heart really wanted.

For all of you who are still finding your special day, Robbie Williams sings, “I know all of you will find your freedom eventually…for eternity.”

Cheers to freedom

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