I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook.
It is after all a social networking site.
We can receive flowers, teddy bears, winnie the poohs, hugs, LV bags and chocolates.
In return we can ‘buy’ someone we desire or vote him as the sexiest man on earth.

It gives me error messages saying they can’t load my profile.
The list of requests get longer.
My last count…293 requests.
The numbers keep increasing.

Lately, I have been receiving ‘pokes’ from strangers.
I seldom ‘poke’ back.
In fact, rarely coz I don’t want to give the poker the wrong idea.
You poke only when you know the person fairly well.
You don’t poke at any Tom, Dick or Harry.

There are some who completely skip the poking ‘protocol’.
They send me a ‘add friend’ request immediately.
Usually I would ignore the request if I see a face I have not seen.
This happens after they have perused and found me inside their friend’s friend list.

But in this age and time, not everyone puts a face to his name like I do.
Some have a cartoon character, some have a scenery picture, others have a plain question mark.
How do I know who is who?
Yet sometimes it turns out some strangers are in fact, long lost friends.

I don’t open up completely unless I treat you as my inner circle.
For that reason, I’m seen as aloof or cool.
My iceman exterior is a mask to protect myself from the outside world.
For this reason, I mostly ignore the ‘add friend’ request if he turns out to be a stranger.
Instead, I will drop him a ‘love note’ asking him to jolt my memory if we met before.
Most, if not all, will never reply as they don’t know what to say.

For the brave few who reply, here’s a sample of what they write.
“I find you cute.”
“I like your abs.”
Lame excuses.
I want you to like me because of who I am.
My character.
Not because of my looks.

For those strangers whom I add, it’s usually after a decent length of email exchange.
I need to get to know the person well enough to add him,
less he is left to hibernate in my inbox indefinitely.

I don’t want to add for the sake of adding or increasing numbers.
Quality is more important than quantity.
What’s the point of having an ever increasing list when you hardly know each person?
It’s like seeing yet another face in the sea of faces.
It’s like having another digit in the number system.

Perhaps we are all searching for our soulmate to arrive.
And the more hopeful one is, the more persistent he will be in search of this.
You never know when a relationship starts to bloom from friendship.
In lonely times like these, we seek solace in each other.

As fishermen, we can harvest far and wide.
The world is now our oyster.
But one fundamental question remains.
Will I give you the chance?

Comments(0)

I know it’s not easy for one to get out of one’s comfort zone but sometimes we really have to just be the man and do the right thing.

For the next 24 hours allow yourself to accept whatever happens. Practise accepting the experiences life gives you no matter what they are. Accept each thought, feeling, decision, doubt, judgement and fear. Just allow them in! Feel them and let them pass through you. If someone insults you, accept it, let it in and don’t react. If someone praises you, also accept it, let it in and don’t react. To internalise the lessons better, tell that little voice in your head to go home and have a rest day. Just watch and feel what happens inside you. Notice how you would have responded to the person or situation.

Give this experiment 24 hours. Really, a full 24 hours…don’t cheat!

I guarantee you will feel a tremendous sense of relief inside. You’ll have a profound release from all the resistance and shielding you normally do in any typical day. It’s as if you have finally let down a very heavy rock you have been carrying inside of you all along.

Life will show you that you are much bigger that what you believed you were. In fact, you are a giant walking among other giants. Only 24 hours…you will find much more love, lightness and joy for being alive! This one day may change your entire life… have fun! And do feedback to me what you feel…leave some comments

Comments(0)

这是今天自我勉励的心里话。我相信我可以。朋友，你也可以。一起加油吧！

天生我才必有用
我是天生赢家
我来到这个世界上不是注定要做失败者
没有什么东西可以阻碍我成功
我一定要做
我一定做得到
我是成功者
我不会再怀疑自己！

Comments(0)

Right or wrong? Yes or no? True or false? Black or white? The list goes on…Have you ever considered why most, if not all of us think of situations in terms of duality? The answer must always be either ‘A’ or ‘B’. There cannot be any shades of grey in between.

Why must one be the victor and the other the defeated? Why must I be right and you be wrong? Why can’t both of us be right or wrong at the same time? Why can’t we find some middle ground?

To understand why we think in terms of duality, we have to go back in time. During school days, we are taught by our teachers that there can only be a right answer or a wrong answer. There is no in-between or what we call a 50-50 answer. The education system does not encourage suggestion or possibility. It advocates a clear-cut, almost scientific methodology that it’s either this or that. Nothing else. Anything that is in the middle is considered taboo. And taboo’s frowned upon in society. So rather than risk being labelled as taboo, we either give a smart PhD kind of answer (that’s ‘right’) or a nitwit silly kind of response (that’s ‘wrong’). Sitting on the fence does not help as it means getting poked by the smart edges. Worse, we get ostracised by our peers for being the odd one out.

As we enter the working world and are assigned projects by our boss, we either choose to accept them or reject them. Accepting them means we continue to remain on the payroll of the company. Rejecting them means we better start looking for a new job anytime soon. Did we ever have the guts to tell the boss in the face ‘let me think about it’ or ‘maybe’?

When we enter a relationship and meet someone whom we fancy, do we have to go with the flow and say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ immediately? Why can’t we say ‘maybe I’ll put her name down in my little black book coz it may come in handy one day’?

By being conditioned from young and allowing ourselves to continue to think in dual terms, we are already simplifying things a lot a lot and seeing the world in monochrome.

But the world does not exist in monochrome. It comes in a rich spectrum of colours. Similarly, our emotions does not comprise just happy or sad. There is a whole gamut of emotions waiting for us to experience if we allow them entry. Why restrict ourselves and not allow our body, mind and soul to grow?

Chairman Mao Zedong, ex-paramount leader of Communist China, sums it up best. “It does not matter if it’s a black cat or a white cat. So long as it is a cat that can catch mice, that’s a good cat.” （不管黑猫白猫，能捉老鼠的猫就是好猫。）

I don’t have to be right. You don’t have to be wrong. We can both be exploring, searching, learning from each other and the world we live in. The boss does not have to be obeyed or defied at all times. We can always test the waters and push the OB markers a little. Our hearts do not have to register a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ immediately. There is room for testing and adjustment later.

There is much more to life and much more worth living for than just having a dual mindset. It saddens me to see how many of us have degenerated into this state and do not even realise it. It seems that they have been too sucked in by the overwhelming demands of life and have stopped to think for themselves. In fact, humans only utilise up to 4% of their brain. Imagine how much more powerful we can be if were to tap the other 96% of our brain matter?

Happiness is within our reach. It is only achievable if we start embracing life and living it on our own terms subsequently working towards our goals. Yes, the world seems an easier and simpler place to live and function in if it’s only A or B. But that’s boring, downright Boring…with a capital B!

If you want to be remembered as a boring person, then continue with your duality mindset. On the flipside, if you wish to be remembered as someone who has lived an eventful and meaningful life when your eulogy is read, then do something to resurface your consciousness. We all have the potential. It only depends on your willingness

Comments(1)

To ‘outwit’ is to get the better of by superior ingenuity or cleverness. In layman terms, we call it outsmart.

I was with two characters in the lift today and witnessed an unforgettable playoff of ‘outwit’ at its best. Now presenting the two characters, YB (young bird) and OH (old hen). Just to paint the background - YB and OH are colleagues from different departments. YB cannot stand OH because of some new policies he introduced lately, in particular the introduction of an escort policy for strangers in departments.

Both YB and OH enter the lift.

YB: “Good afternoon OH. May I know where are you going? Do you need to be escorted?”

YB fires the first salvo.

OH: “Not necessary thank you. I’m going back to office. It’s VERY kind of you.”

OH: “Btw, that shirt you are wearing. Isn’t it TOO BIG for you? ‘L’ size is it?”

YB: “No, it’s ‘M’ size.”

The tide is turning now.

OH: “Oh, but still too large for you. You are really too skinny. Never eat is it?”

YB is trying deperately to find a retort.

OH: “Have you started your escort duty yet?”

YB: “Not yet. Next month.”

OH: “That’s good. Hope you’ll enjoy it. I’m sure you will. You people will complain complain but after a while, will get used to it. Same with all Singaporeans. Complain complain, later also accept.”

YB gives a sour face.

OH: “By the way, I’m going to introduce a badge for all of you escorts. I’m thinking of calling it a sheriff badge. Do you like the name? Sheriff?”

YB tries to open his mouth.

OH: “You know, like cowboy badge like that?”

YB drops his jaw even lower and stares in disbelief.

OH: “Maybe you think about it, sheriff badge. Sounds good..Got to go.”

Lift door opens and OH walks out.

YB continues the ascent to his department. He wanted to outwit OH but in turn got outwitted very badly. Bet he’s now nursing his wounds. Poor thing. The lesson to learn is that never take on another opponent unless you have thoroughly checked out his background and you know him as well as you know yourself. There is a Chinese saying ‘知己知彼，百战百胜’。

Comments(0)

I became a consultant of sorts today. Incidentally, two friends sms-ed me complaining about their jobs and the lack of satisfaction they felt. They couldn’t move forward even though they wanted to as they didn’t really know what excited them in life. To speak the truth, they felt trapped in the vicious cycle. That’s wearing them down and their tempers flare easily.

Sounds familiar right? All too familiar…in fact I felt an instant deja vu. A case of me ‘been there, done that’ I told myself.

I don’t profess to be a guru of sorts, but I can share from my personal experience. And that’s where I’m coming from.

We feel lousy about ourselves because we allow that to happen.

It all starts with our thoughts. We get easily affected by what people say or think about us. Our value is based on the value others bestow on us. If they think highly or speak well of us, our value goes up. Otherwise, our value drops. The thoughts generated in our minds give rise to negative affirmations. Even though we may be unwilling, we already allow our unconscious mind to be programmed from the thoughts which start from our conscious mind. This in turn affects our feelings. Our thoughts send a signal to our heart. That’s when we really feel in the pits.

The heart, being the seat of emotions, stores a lot of our previous experiences and it remembers a lot of our feelings – the unhappiness, the dejections, the sorrows, the pains, the lows, the ebbs, the miseries…Adding another downright lousy feeling isn’t going to hurt at hindsight of course…but when we start accumulating enough of such feelings, that’s when we feel the whole world is against us. That’s when we question our very own existence. Our self-esteem plunge a notch lower.

How do we know this? Our actions demonstrate this. We don’t appreciate ourselves enough. We beat ourselves up over minute issues or things. We get angry with ourselves. We belittle ourselves. We begin to have self-doubt. And strong self-doubts manifest into bad situations which we later use to justify our ill-fated positions. This is the law of attraction. Negative thoughts and feelings attract negative energies.

The end result? Our spirits get crushed. We don’t dare to dream. We are stuck in the same pit and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Life is good. It really is. Trust and believe in yourself. You are your greatest asset. You are a unique individual with gifts to share with the rest of the world. Without your light, the world loses a precious son or daughter. Learn to forgive yourself and move on with pride. Heal your pain and treat that as a learning lesson in the journey of life. Internalise the lessons learnt and carry on. There is much more worth living for. You are worth living for. Love your life. Love yourself

Comments(0)

You tell me a lie once. You play me out once. You stage me up once. You stand me up once. That’s it. You’ll be branded as someone I will never trust again.

Some people can never be trusted.

I’m sure that’s a common afterthought most of us harbour within us each time something doesn’t go our way.

It’s not as if we have not been lied to or played out before right? We moan, we complain, we curse, we swear. No more friends. No more chummy chummy. No more buddies. No more pals.

And after moaning, complaining, cursing and swearing, what do we do? We carry on with our lives.

Rather than harping on the people who have lied to you, played you out, staged you out, stood you up;  why not focus on the other people in the world who are waiting to make friends with you? After all, there are 6.65 billion people in the world (according to a March 2008 estimate).

And don’t think you are so self-righteous coz along the journey of life, you have also in one form or another lied to someone, played someone out, staged someone up or stood someone up. When you are the doer, have you ever considered the feelings of the receipient? Hardly, in fact never.

But when it’s your time to play the receiver role, you kick up a hell of a storm.

Trust and be trusted in return. It goes both ways. By holding onto the unpleasant episode, you are creating unhappiness for yourself. By accumulating enough unhappiness, we start developing diseases. Is it worth it?

If you really feel the person cannot be trusted, just move on. It’s alright. Just treat it as a valuable lesson in life.

Comments(1)

每个人都在等待。每个人等待的事情都不一样，有一些人在等待爱情、有一些人在等待机会、有一些人在等待奇迹。。。有一些人更是用了一生去等待。在等待的过程，有人得到了，有人失去了，有人坚持了，有人放弃了。

我在等待自由。我就有如一只囚鸟，在等待被释放的那一天。我可以想象那无边无尽的蓝天。我多么怀念阳光洒在身体上的那种感觉。我真的渴望冲上云霄的那一刻。我要享受展翅飞翔的美感。我感慨万分。。。

说老实话，等待何尝不是一种痛苦？明明知道自由就在不远处，但还是有一段路要走。就像看到了糖果，却不可以吃到。。。就像看到了岸，却游不过去。。。就如张学友的歌名一样 “这么近、那么远”。。。滋味真的是不好受的。

做人难，等待更难。。。但若不等待，哪里来的喜悦及雀跃万分？

Comments(0)

I came across this by chance. The writings are beautiful and meaningful. Sharing it with everyone. Enjoy

The Invitation
attributed to Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer is a facilitator of spiritual retreats, workshops, and ceremonies throughout the United States and Canada. She is a student of philosophy, seeking to understand how we can all be who we truly are. Her name was given to her by the elders with whom she apprenticed. It means one who likes to push the edge and can help others do the same.

Comments(0)

Perhaps one of the most common topics among buddies or friends or acquaintances is this question ‘what’s your current status’?

One can usually answer ’single’, ‘attached’ or ‘married’. These are the common replies. But as far as I can remember, there are more creative replies as well.

How about ’single and available’ or ‘married but available’?

‘Single and available’ is easy to decipher. It simply means you are not seeing anyone, not in any form of relationship and thus are still a swinging individual.

Now for the more tricky one. ‘Married but available’. This means you have already solemnised your wedding and have a legal husband/wife. But you are still available and open to ideas of flirting or having a clandestine relationship. In other words, you are in an open married relationship. This got me thinking. How can this happen?

As married couples go through the daily grind, the initial sparks which ignited the love chemicals in both the male and female resulting in a union have diminished over time. In some couples, it’s almost non-existent. Yes, they may be married in name but sleep in different rooms. Some even have a tacit agreement that they are allowed to see other people on the sly while maintaining their married status. They cannot choose to separate or divorce because of the need to maintain the issue of their ‘face’.

Before the marriage descends to the pits, the couple would usually take steps in an attempt to arrest the problem. This could include any of the following.

1. Buy new sex toys from the sex toy shops mushrooming all over the island (read: let’s get adventurous)

2. Buy new lingerie (especially for the females) to entice the male and his libido (read: the skimpier the better)

3. Go on a short getaway trip (read: second honeymoon).

3. Have a kid to bolster the relationship (read: get pregnant not because you want the kid)

4. Introduce a third party when making love (read: try a threesome)

With open relationships between married couples becoming increasingly commonplace these days, you never know when you’ll ever find yourself invited to a threesome.

As the fresh piece of meat in an otherwise “stale” relationship, you’ll be regarded with the interest and fascination usually reserved for the re-appearance of the Dodo bird. In most cases, you may even find yourself treated like visiting royalty and having your every sexual whims and fancies attentively attended to.

Here are some rules which you need to know before entering a threesome relationship.

Rule 1

As a general rule, you should never sleep over at the couple’s den if you’re not invited – no matter how weak your knees are or how utterly exhausted you are. This is pure common sense as you never know the kind of drama that might erupt the morning after both have come to their senses and start accusing the other party of soiling the marital bed with a stranger. Guess you wouldn’t want to be running out butt naked into the streets for your life clutching your clothes while the couple bicker and fight like gladiators.

Rule 2

You should never initiate the first move on the bed unless the husband gives the go ahead. After all, it’s his wife you are touching. No decent man in the right frame of mind would allow another hot blooded male to touch his wife. But then again, this is not a man in the right frame of mind. This is a desperate man. And desperate men do have creative ideas. Remember your army days? Always ask for permission before executing.

Rule 3

Remember, sex is sex. Don’t ever entertain thoughts of the possibility of a long-term threesome relationship with the couple. After all, they are inviting you on a one way ticket to spice up their lives. And that’s it. You won’t be invited or hired again. Worse, if you should compete for the affections of the husband or wife. Heaven forbid!! If there’s a bitter ending to it all, it’s definitely not worth the mental or emotional anguish. Don’t be a home wrecker.

All said, I’ve heard of sexciting tales of threesomes behind closed doors. In fact, one particular threesome went so far as to actually accelerate the end of the married relationship between husband and wife, with the wife leaving to move in with the introduced new lover. An experiment gone off tangent? Perhaps perhaps…

Although sex with a couple entails more bodies, more heat and more excitement, a sexual liaison with a couple can also prove to be extremely hazardous to one’s self-esteem, health and reputation. You have been warned. Steer clear of married people unless you want to stroke fire and pay the consequences of it. I really frown on those who claim they are married but available. I really do.

Comments(0)